The government keeps telling me the retirement age is going up. Last time I heard I was going to have to work till I'm 68. By the time I get to 68 it'll probably be 80.
Well, I went to Scotland in May and I spent about half a day in the Co-op trying to buy an orange. I've seen the future, and if it's going to be full of old folk working in shops it ain't that bright.
This poor old sod behind the till, he moved about as fast as the waxworks in Madame Tussaud's, and after giving him my money I thought there was a real danger of him expiring before the end of the transaction. In times of soaring inflation, my money would have been going down in value while he had it in his hand. Also, you'd have thought he'd have had some training with modern technology, but he seemed utterly baffled by the notion of having to use a scanner. Eventually some young bloke had to step in and deal with me, otherwise I'd still have been there now.
If he's a sign of things to come when there aren't any pensions any more, I think we better get used to eating tinned fruit, because in the time it took him to sell me a fresh piece, it had already gone off.
Another thing about old folk, they're always having to go for scans. I'm only 44 and even I've had to start going for scans and tests, and to be put in a lead box and have lasers fired at me. One of the jobs I worked at, where the staff were all in their late 50s, every week there was someone having a camera sent where the sun doesn't shine, or having a brain scan, or some other sort of test.
Can you imagine trying to staff a place with only old dodderers? What a nightmare the rota would be. What the government doesn't seem to realise is you can't just keep working people till they keel over. They need to be at home struggling in and out of Shackleton's high seat chairs, and spilling dinner down themselves for a few years before they pop off. They shouldn't be trying to sell me fruit and veg. What if I tried to buy 5 pound of potatoes off someone with osteoporosis? I'd hand them over to be scanned and their arm would probably snap off with the weight.
At the moment I mostly work with young people, and their main problem with work seems to be getting up for work early enough after going out getting hammered the night before. Sometimes they don't get in till 5 in the morning, and then they have to be at work for 8.30.
Well, old people are always up at the crack of dawn, maybe they could just do a job share with one of the youngsters, just do a couple of hours until the 20 somethings have had time to down 15 pints of water and a sausage sandwich and get themselves out of bed.
You never know, it just might work...
Well, I went to Scotland in May and I spent about half a day in the Co-op trying to buy an orange. I've seen the future, and if it's going to be full of old folk working in shops it ain't that bright.
This poor old sod behind the till, he moved about as fast as the waxworks in Madame Tussaud's, and after giving him my money I thought there was a real danger of him expiring before the end of the transaction. In times of soaring inflation, my money would have been going down in value while he had it in his hand. Also, you'd have thought he'd have had some training with modern technology, but he seemed utterly baffled by the notion of having to use a scanner. Eventually some young bloke had to step in and deal with me, otherwise I'd still have been there now.
If he's a sign of things to come when there aren't any pensions any more, I think we better get used to eating tinned fruit, because in the time it took him to sell me a fresh piece, it had already gone off.
Another thing about old folk, they're always having to go for scans. I'm only 44 and even I've had to start going for scans and tests, and to be put in a lead box and have lasers fired at me. One of the jobs I worked at, where the staff were all in their late 50s, every week there was someone having a camera sent where the sun doesn't shine, or having a brain scan, or some other sort of test.
Can you imagine trying to staff a place with only old dodderers? What a nightmare the rota would be. What the government doesn't seem to realise is you can't just keep working people till they keel over. They need to be at home struggling in and out of Shackleton's high seat chairs, and spilling dinner down themselves for a few years before they pop off. They shouldn't be trying to sell me fruit and veg. What if I tried to buy 5 pound of potatoes off someone with osteoporosis? I'd hand them over to be scanned and their arm would probably snap off with the weight.
At the moment I mostly work with young people, and their main problem with work seems to be getting up for work early enough after going out getting hammered the night before. Sometimes they don't get in till 5 in the morning, and then they have to be at work for 8.30.
Well, old people are always up at the crack of dawn, maybe they could just do a job share with one of the youngsters, just do a couple of hours until the 20 somethings have had time to down 15 pints of water and a sausage sandwich and get themselves out of bed.
You never know, it just might work...
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